My life's calling...

God help me, I think I've found something I would absolutely L.O.V.E. doing. A good friend asked if I would take some pics of her upcoming birth, and I decided to do some research about photographing births. I stumbled upon Lynsey Stones birth photography blog. OMG. Words cannot express the overflow of emotions I experienced trawling through the pages, looking at picture after picture. Im sure this has a lot to do with my previous birth experiences that ended in 2 c-sections, and my insane desire to have a successful homebirth for my next (and last). Lysney explains how she came to photographing births and I feel like I could have written it myself. I have such a passion for the joys of natural birth...but am in awe of the moment a child enters the world, irregardless of how. The moment a mother and father see their baby for the first time, hold him for the first time, kiss him for the first time. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. There is absolutely, postively NOTHING else that compares to those moments. And to be trusted enough to capture those moments...wow. I doubt there would be a greater honour. I am now officially obsessed. I fear my free hours will be spent pouring over blogs and websites, how-to guides and inspiring photos. My love of experiencing birth and my new-found love of photography...how could they compliment each other any better? Wow. I feel like Ive had an epiphany. Guess I better go enrol in that photography course...

Good news and bad news...

Yep, there it is. As promised. Not a great pic as I had to put my shutter speed to 1/1.3 to get enough light, but then I didnt feel like setting up my tripod. Oh, to have external flashes....But I digress. Isnt it beautiful? I cant wait to put it up on the wall, once we figure out which ones we will use and where we will put them. In the meantime, this beauty is sitting on the hutch in plain view. :)

So, dog is at boot camp. And while its quiet and peaceful in our household without her, it definitely feels like someone is missing. It will be a nice break, but she will be missed.

Worst news of today: we had to find the nearest open laundromat...total dive of a place (as most laundromats are Im sure), and Jonno took the stinky load of nappies to get washed. In the meantime, Cade is in sposies. Ugh. We arent sure whether to pay the several hundred dollars to get it fixed, or to bite the bullet and get a new washer/dryer set as our dryer is on the way out as well. I hate making decisions about expensive purchases.

And the best news of today: I lost another kilo, just 4 days after my last weigh-in, so Im looking forward to Thurs to see what the official loss for the week is. I think the key this time around is the fact that Im not focused on the weight loss. Ive changed what Im eating, Im exercising. But, Im not dwelling on what I cant have/do. Im too busy for that...

Might actually get Jonno to take some photos of me today...fun times.

**I apologise for the formatting. I cant for the life of me get the paragraphs set up correctly, grrr**

Just another Saturday...

A mundane Saturday. Mundane, but not quiet. Ive decided to get my cholesterol levels checked, so had some blood work done first thing this morning, followed by a gym session. I'm happy to report that my 120gb video ipod works well on the treadmill! :) And I'm sore. I mean, REALLY sore. Sore from walking around with Cade for hours yesterday, for kneeling down to get photo shots, etc. So, although I think my 45 minute walk on the treadmill helped in a small way, I'm sure I will be feeling it for several days. Push through it Britt, push through it.

Jonno was rostered to play at church tonight, so I decided to haul the rest of us in. So, got home at 8pm, fed/changed Cade, made myself a beautiful salad for dinner (eaten at 9.30pm), and am now enjoying a short break from Cade.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, our washing machine broke. Which is bad. I have a pail of cloth nappies that need to be cleaned, and I'm not entirely sure how that will happen now...and yet, I'm too tired to find a solution. Tomorrow, tomorrow. As a side note, here is Cade in one of his cloth nappies (The Very Hungry Caterpillar):




Of course it was taken by Leah and I would love to upload all the 50-odd pics from our session, but I think that's a bit overkill. Needless to say, I LOVE the cloth bum!

Boring, right? Good news is that we drop off Gibby to boot camp tomorrow! Of course it means I need to wash her, heart worm her and flea treat her (she is due for all three) before we go (ie, tonight at 10pm), but will be so worth it. 2 weeks....ah.

So, I know I promised a photo of the framed pic of Cade from our session with Leah, but of course didn't get around to it, so tomorrow. ;)

Panic, park and prints

I am EXHAUSTED. Exhausted to the point where I'm not sure this post will make any sense. My head hurts, my feet hurt, my back hurts...the list goes on. It was a busy day. A busy, but glorious day.

Panic: I'm ridiculously fearful of people seeing my house dirty. I know deep down that no one really cares what it looks like. They know I have two boys (and dog) on my own everyday. And yet, I cant relax or enjoy myself if I can see mess everywhere I look. So, this morning, from the time I got out of bed until the time my guests arrived, I was cleaning. Cleaning the bathroom (yes, scrubbing toilets), putting away laundry (which was a little sad as the pile had started to become a permanent fixture on the dining room table), vacuuming, tidying, doing dishes. And yet, the house STILL looked like a bombsite. Ah well, it was a smaller bombsite than it was this morning.

Park: Ah, the park. My two lovely friends (one being a professional photographer) with their kids (minus 1) came over to mine, where all the littlies played for a while. Then we made our way to the park, just as the sun was starting to set. I have NO doubt that Leah (the photog) got some amazingly beautiful shots. Me...not so much. But there were a handful that turned out ok. The pics above are from our "session". I learned a LOT though, and that was the important thing. I feel so out of my depth with photography, but I'm determined to get as good as I possibly can. By the way...on-spot metering? Awesome. :)

Prints: I got my digital negatives today from our photo session with Leah a few weeks ago!! And she was lovely enough to surprise me with a beautiful belated birthday pressie...a framed pic of my favourite photo. I will make sure to take a photo of it and post it tomorrow. Just having them in my hot little hands makes me SO happy!

And so, sore (from carrying Cade in the sling for several hours), tired (read: KNACKERED), and satisfied...I head to bed. Yep, at 9pm. Must be a new world record. Now if I can wish Cade and Carter to sleep through...dreams can come true, right?!?

Conspiracy theory.

I am convinced someone is conspiring against me. How is it that everytime I plan to get to the gym, someone gets sick?? I book Cade in every Tues and Thurs mornings into the childrens program at the gym, and Ive had to cancel it everytime so far. He gets sick, Carter gets sick, Cade gets pink eye. Really? Ugh. One trip to the gym in a week is far from sufficient.

However.

I lost 1.7kg (3.7lbs). Imagine what it would have been had I gotten to work out more. The "what if" game is pointless I suppose though. Week 1 of Operation Sexy is complete, and was successful as I lost weight. Week 2 begins today, had my junk meal for the week, and am aiming for 3-4 sessions at the gym, and doing better on my water intake.

Im still waiting for my digestive enzymes to arrive...they are taking forever.

On another note, Ive discovered the manual setting on my E500. Brilliant. Now if I can figure out how to use it efficiently. Cant wait for our park shoot tomorrow...Im hoping to get as much knowledge as possible...and hope to post some nice photos as well. :)

Goals...

So, Ive been thinking that it would be great to have some goals and rewards to help me along this journey toward sexiness :)

Goal #1: 115kg
Goal #2: 105kg
Goal #3: 95kg
Goal #4: 85kg
Goal #5: 75kg
Goal #6: 65kg
FINAL Goal: 60kg - Laser Hair Removal!!

Ill edit it once I figure out what my rewards will be...its hard thinking about things that I want, rather than things I want for my kids, etc. At least I know what my final reward will be...and it will be an expensive one as I want laser hair removal on most of my body. :) PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) has not been kind to me in the excess hair department, boo! But, once I am in a normal and healthy weight, my hormones should normalise, and the pcos should be eradicated. And so, that will be my final goal (along with a trip to a tropical location Im sure!). Bugger, still gotta take pics of myself...ok, promise I will do that very soon...

Door salesman and Kawasaki disease - the conclusion.

I should be having a shower. Being that both boys are actually sleeping at the same time (insert jaw drop here), I should be taking advantage of this rare opportunity by indulging in the joys of such a special treat. It really is amazing how the simplest of life's necessities can evolve into mere pleasures after having children. And yet, I feel the need to get online to update this thing...another indulgence. And so I remain stinky for a while longer...

So, after the dramas of last night, Jonno believed that the new energy company I had just signed up was actually quite a bit more expensive. So, phone calls we made this morning to try and halt the contract...and needless to say, their customer service was fantastic. Not only that, but I realised that the rates were in fact the same as our previous provider, and so we are now using green energy, paying no more to do so, and they gave us $25 credit for our troubles to boot. Hmm...maybe I shouldnt have been so judgemental about the whole thing...At least it has a happy ending.

The other good news is that Carter does not have Kawasaki disease, as his fever is abating, his eyes are whitening, and he is back to his normal self. He is still complaining of sore hands, and has added a sore tongue to the list of woes, so I am on the lookout for blisters to coincide with a Hand, Foot and Mouth diagnosis (self-diagnosis, mind you). I did still keep him home from preschool though as I dont know what he does have, and didnt want to send him there to start an epidemic. Which of course means, no gym for me today. :( Ah well, will stay active as much as possible over the next couple of days until I can get there on Thursday.

I am now in the process of getting videos onto my new ipod...a process that will take until Thursday when I need them, no doubt. Cade has just woken, and my hopes for a shower are lost again. Should have taken one.

Door salesman and Kawasaki disease.

I really cant stand door-to-door salesmen. I mean, I know that opportunities can arrive in any form (see HERE for an inspirational post on a soap salesman), but when they arrive (without fail) in witching hour (why do they call it witching hour anyway, as if its only confined to a single 60 minutes?? It should be more like witching 4 hours!), pushing their way through my front door whilst ignoring the barking dog, the screaming baby, the whining preschooler. I mean, really? What makes them think that I am going to be able to switch all of that off to focus on them for 20 minutes? And 9 times out of 10, it is someone trying to get me to switch energy providers. Tonight was no exception, and through deceit of his words, and omission of a few facts, I have now officially switched...whilst holding the dog and trying to calm the baby by talking to him from a distance. Well done, Mr.-I-Didn't-Give-A-Name. You were successful. And now I will have to unravel the mound of paperwork to try and figure out what the hell I actually signed up for. Whats worse is that I will have to go through it all again in a couple of weeks' time...

And Carter is sick. He woke up with a fever...no dramas. Just another bug, right? Well, whinging to my mum (who is a nurse) and explaining his symptoms, she seems to think we need to keep an eye out for Kawasaki Disease. See, he said that the only thing that hurt were his hands. Okkkaaayyy...hands. Right. Mum asks if his eyes are red. "No", I say. Well, they are tonight. He didn't eat dinner, his hands are still hurting (and are red), so now we are just waiting on one more of the myriad of symptoms to take him in. As if we really need that. I mean, logistically (I shouldn't be thinking logistically if my sons life is on the line, right?), how can I stay in hospital with him for treatment? Cade is joined at the boob, and Jonno cant take more time off work. Not to mention the horrible side effects of the treatments and drugs and the very real possibility of life-long complications. Ugh. I cant think about it tonight. Tomorrow morning, when I should be dropping him off at preschool and heading to the gym to top myself up with endorphins (much-needed I might add)...tomorrow morning, I can think about it.

And so, I'm heading to bed in anticipation of yet another very sleep-deprived night. Sometimes it sucks to be a mum...

Im spoiled...

Yes, I am spoiled. No sooner had I mentioned the new treadmill/ipod situation to Jonno, when he chimed in and asked if I wanted a video ipod. Haha, I think he wants this more than I do. And I dont blame him. I would be embarassed of me too if I were him. And of course he would never say that, but Im sure he thinks it sometimes. When I first met him, I was overweight, but probably about 80 pounds less than what I weigh now. And while I know that he loves me no matter what size I am and has always been supportive, he wants me to be happy...and Im not. Of course it means that I will have to wait a few months for my mini home studio, but Im ok with that, because getting healthy is the priority, and it also means I have those few months to research what I need.

So, the park yesterday was lovely. Im so thrilled we found a great one nearby. Chipping Norton Lakes is like a mini version of Centennial Park with water, so its nice and lush and green, with walking/bike tracks and jungle gyms for the kids. A couple of photographer friends and I are having a get-together this week, and we have been searching for a nice place to go where the kids will have things to do and we will have things to shoot (photos that is, haha). So, this might be a nice place to do so. The photos below were my favourites from there. Theyre nothing special...I didnt really bother trying different lighting positions or anything like that, but just trying to see things out of the box. I cant wait to get Photoshop to edit properly on.

First day back

First day back at the gym. Oh, the joys. Ive had a fever since last night, and still decided to pop some Panadol and suck it up and go. And Im glad I did. It feels SO great to get a decent workout in again. 400 calories. Not bad for my first time back in 8 months. Granted, it took me 45 minutes on the treadmill to burn that, but Ill get back to the 600-700 calorie burn again soon. All the equipment has changed since I was last there...all the newest models of treadmills, elipticals, etc. Countless number of programs, USB outlets to record your progress, iPod plug-ins to watch movies on the main screen. So brilliant. Now to get a video ipod...

Stinkin' beautiful day today...spring comes early. So, we are heading out to the park. Going to try and get a few good photos...course my battery is almost dead, so we'll see if that happens...stay tuned.

blah, blah, blah

Im conflicted. There are so many aspects of my life that I would love to brag/vent/share about it here, but am overwhelmed thinking about all that entails. I suppose I will learn as I go. I must say that I am encouraged though. I follow a couple of photographers' blogs, photographer mums who I admire and am inspired by. I was browsing through Jodies blog (HERE), and realised that the photos she was taking 2 years ago are looking similar to the photos I am taking now...which means that if I learn all I can and practice as much as possible (read: taking a LOT of pics of the boys), I might, just MIGHT start to come into my own. Im not saying that I will ever be as talented and brilliant as she is, but Im encouraged nonetheless.

So today. Only one word can really sum it all up: overwhelming. Between the boys, the dog, the mess of a house, I was a tad distraught. Tears were shed, my voice is lost from yelling, and I am wallowing. But, I did take some time out to get on the floor with the boys and play a bit...to remind myself of why I chose to be a mum in the first place.

The below pic is nothing special (was taken in a dark house with no creative inspiration whatsoever), but just a little something to remind me of whats important. Truly important.

At one point, the dog was afraid that Cade as going to steal her ball, and she covered it up with her paw to "guard" it. Of course Cade got to it in the end, and quickly shoved it in his mouth. Ah well, what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger I suppose.

Operation Sexy: day 2. Havent taken meaurements or pics of myself just yet (it is on my to-do list...somewhere), but although I didnt get to go to the gym (again), I did do well with my eating. I truly do like eating healthy for the most part, its just the bloody inconvenience of cooking it...it takes so long, and in my household, where 2 minutes without Cade screaming doesnt exist, that makes it a tad difficult. But, Im commited to it, so I will do all I can to find ways. I did order some US Jello Pudding (the sugar-free, fat-free stuff), and made some tonight...oh yum!!

I am currently on the hunt for photoshop CS4 that is decently priced. Im ok with sticking with my Olympus E500 while I learn the art of photography, but I would rather not learn my Paint Shop Pro, only to change it all when I eventually switch over to Photoshop. So, the hunt continues...

Im hoping that this season I am going through with Cade will change soon as it is so hard to get more than 5 minutes to myself, he is just that clingy. So much I want to do/learn....

The magic number.

125.

125.

125.

Ugh. 125kg. Or in more scary terms, 275pounds. Bloody hell. Still not quite my highest weight, but certainly near enough. I can make all the excuses in the world...mostly something along the lines of having to remain inactive months after my c/s to heal, having to sit to breastfeed, having a clingy baby who needs to be held all day. But, if Im honest with myself, I would say that it was comforting using those excuses to justify my lack of motivation with getting healthy. And of course, being a mum, quick and convenience is the name of the game. Takeaway is always easier than cooking a meal with a baby screaming to be held, a 3 year old climbing the walls, and a hubby who doesnt get home until after 7 to help with it all.

Enough excuses.

I have a starting point, a baseline. I am getting bloodwork done on Saturda to check my cholesterol levels, etc and will be doing measurements and pictures in the next couple of days. Perhaps the combination will scare me enough to keep with this.

Day 1 of Operation Sexy completed. Didnt get to go to the gym thanks to a sick bub, but got to the store to stock up on healthy sustenance, and did well with my eating.

125kg WILL become 125lb.

125.

Operation Sexy....take 2.

3 months since my last post. hhhmmm.....And what has happened in those three months? Absolutely nothing worth noting, save a week-long bout of food poisoning, which helped me drop a couple of kilos. Im sure I have put them back on since. Life just seems to get in the way....And yet, the reason for starting this blog is to make sure that life does NOT get in the way, that I can make the time and effort to get my life back on track. Ok, so Operation Sexy starts again. Tomorrow. My bub is now 6 months old, immunised and booked into Minis (the gym's kids program). My gym membership has been renewed and the first payment is made tomorrow. However, Cade has woken up pretty sick this morning. Of course. Bright green snot, gunky eye, cough...lovely. So, I am doing all I can to nurse him back to health by tomorrow morning. Im motivated, Im eager (albeit a bit nervous), so I need tomorrow to happen. Putting it off for one more day will just feel like a bit of a failure, even if it isnt something that I can control.

Ive also decided I dont want this blog to just be about weight loss, but about life in general. My pursuit of creativity in my world, my beautiful family, even my ridiculously annoying dog. My life (how many times can I say "life" in this post?!?) seems to be taking a turn...toward what, I do not yet know. But, I know that I am called to be creative, in whatever capacity, so I am seriously thinking about pursuing photography. I enjoy it, even if it is for my own personal use, and would love to expand my knowledge and capabilities. I also want to set up my own mini-home studio, so am currently in the midst of researching, researching, researching. Its exciting to think about what I could learn to do...something I can throw my passion into. And so, I await the multiple course information packs arriving at my house anyday to browse through and dream.

God help me. I keep biting off more than I can chew, as evidenced by the current state of my house. With a clingy baby, a demanding preschooler, and a naughty dog, I find myself being pulled in every direction...so to start a blog, start school, start a new hobby seems so terribly overwhelming. But, I think in the end, it may end up being my sanity, my escape. Now to muster up the willpower to keep going....with losing weight, with keeping a clean house (well, tidy anyway), with raising my kids, with being a great wife, with being creative, with keeping some dreams alive. Wish me luck. :)

*The word 'life' was mentioned five times*